Log in

Previous Entry

Title: Sometimes A Cherry Popping Is Just A Cherry Popping (Except For When It's Not)
Author: GwenCarmichael
Pairing: Jon/Spencer, Jon/Brendon, Jon/Ryan
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 6318
Beta: cinnamoretti
Disclaimer: In the words of Gru from Despicable Me… "Any relation to persons living or dead is completely coincidental."
Summary: Jon is a master when it comes to taking V-cards, and it just so happens that Spencer, Ryan, and Brendon are looking for just that. 
Author's Note: This was written for the fabulous jedusaur who wanted a fic where Jon took the rest of the band's virginity.
Sometimes A Cherry Popping Is Just A Cherry Popping
If someone was a virgin looking to get rid of their V-card, Jon Walker was the person they went to.
It wasn't that he had gone looking for the role, far from it. Jon was a casual guy who enjoyed good sex and having a good time. He was comfortable in his own skin, patient, understanding, and for some reason, people trusted him on instinct. His first time had been nothing special. He'd been dating a girl a few years older than he, and they'd gone to bed a few times before eventually going their separate ways. Nothing special. No scarring traumatic experience that had made him want to be the savior of all virgins everywhere.
The first girl whose virginity Jon had taken had been a pretty blonde who'd grown up down the street from him. A couple dates and she had seemed pretty trusting when she suggested they 'do it.' That wasn't a big—or long-lasting—deal either, and it wasn't long before Jon started seeing guys, too. There was the occasional one he'd go steady with for a while, but for the most part, Jon was more of a 'let's be friends' kind of guy. He had a lot of friends, and it was true that he slept with, or had slept with, a fair few of them. It wasn't a big deal to Jon. As long as both parties honestly wanted it and a good time was had by all, then it was all good.
The first boy who'd had his ass cherry popped by Jon was a slightly desperate kid from a restrictive family. He'd sneak out of the house and go to crazy parties, the kind of crazy that Jon was smart enough to stay away from—the kind of crazy where kids got date raped, got the shit beat out of them, or both. A mutual friend had talked to Jon about it.
"It's really started to freak me out," Tim had said. "The kid's throwing himself at people just so he can 'be sure' he's gay or whatever, and I'm freaked he's going to go out to some bar somewhere or one of those crazy parties and get hurt. Would you—?" He'd gestured obscurely with his hand, and when Jon just stared, he clarified, "Would you fuck him?"
Jon just blinked. "What are you, his pimp?"
"No, man! I just don't want him to get wasted and then fucked by some drunk idiot who fucks him up. I know you wouldn't do that. And he's cute. He's a good-looking kid and he's funny. I'd do it myself but—" He shrugged. "Girlfriend, you know?"
Jon nodded. "Alright. I'll give it a shot. I'm not making any promises though."
It had actually gone really well. Jon and the kid—whose name was Mike—had spent a Saturday night together while Jon's parent's were out of town. They watched movies, ate pizza, made out, and when the topic of sex was brought up, Mike seemed eager enough, told Jon he trusted him about twenty times, and had his cherry popped within an hour. A good time had by all. Mike spent the night at Jon's, kissed him goodbye in the morning, and Jon never talked to him again unless he ran into him at a party.
After that, virgins just sort of started finding their way to Jon, virgins with big eyes, desperate stories, or self-conscious questions, anything that kept someone as anxious as they were from having sex with someone else.
When Jon started working as a tech for bands, he figured his cherry popping days were over, unless some groupie mistook him for one of the band members. It was his opinion that rock stars—even baby rock stars—were all indulging in sex, drugs, and rock n roll. It didn't matter how young, dorky, or inexperienced the band members were; chicks were crazy into bands. 
That all changed when he went on tour with The Academy Is…, with Panic! At The Disco opening for them.

"Total virgins, all three of them," another tech gossiped behind the venue where he and Jon were sharing a beer.
"No way." Jon took a drink and passed the bottle over. "They're all legal age, and they toured with fucking Fall Out Boy."
The tech just shrugged. "The one kid's ex-Mormon, the other two went to Catholic school. Maybe they're all super religious."
Jon gave him a look. "Have you heard the songs they play? They're about as holy as my ass."
"I don't want to know any more about your hole than I already do."
Jon stole the beer back. "Oh, fuck that. You love my ass."
And just like that, the topic of virgin boys was dropped but not forgotten.

"Hey, Jon?"
Jon looked up from the cables he was winding around to see the drummer from Panic! At The Disco watching him. "Hi. Spencer, right?"
Spencer looked pleased that Jon knew that. "Yeah."
"Hi," Jon repeated and stuck out his hand for Spencer to shake. "What can I do for you?"
"I was wondering—" Spencer blushed a little. "Do you want to go to dinner with me?"
Jon blinked. Was Spencer—flirting? "Oh."
"You don't have to," Spencer said quickly, his flush deepening. "I mean, if you don't want to, don't. I just thought, you know, tour food sucks, and maybe you'd like to—but if you don't, it's okay, I'll just, I won't—"
Jon put him out of his misery then. "No, I want to."
Spencer paused. "Really?"
Jon smiled. "Yeah. Really. I'd like to go to dinner with you."
"Yeah, okay. Uhh, can we do early dinner? I should be back sooner rather than later—you know, tech stuff."
"Oh, sure, yeah. Early dinner it is."
Jon smiled at him, and Spencer smiled back.

Spencer's version of 'out to dinner' was nice. It wasn't The Ritz or something—Spencer was a baby rock star opening for another band; he wasn't Bowie or something—but it was much nicer than Jon was expecting. 'Out to dinner' for Jon usually involved tacos, burgers, a drive though, or sometimes all three. Instead, he was actually sitting down across from Spencer in a diner booth with a plate of ribs that didn't come from a buffet. Damn, Spencer had lucky friends.
There was small talk and pleasantries first and then tour stories. Jon had more than Spencer did, but Spencer had toured with Fall Out Boy so his stories were weirder.
"—and covered us in confetti, during our set. Seriously. He turned our confetti cannons around and blasted us. I was hacking up confetti for weeks. There still might be some in the bottoms of my lungs, but that's probably permanent."
Jon laughed. Spencer was easy to talk to and easy to listen to. He was surprised with just how comfortable things were with Spencer, effortless in a way Jon hadn't had in a while.
Eventually, there was a bit of a lull in the conversation, which then grew slightly awkward. Finally Spencer said, "Umm, I don't really know how to say this without making you sound like a hooker."
Jon's eyes widened and then he snorted. So the Panic babies actually were virgins?
"Well, I am."
Apparently Jon had said that out loud. "Sorry. Rumor mill gossip, you know?"
Spencer shrugged. "True gossip. What about your rumor, that you're the guy people go to for a good first time?"
"True. But that sounds like something you'd read on a bathroom wall. 'For a good first time, call Jon.'"
"Will you do it for me?" Spencer blurted out.
Jon's eyes widened again. "Seriously?"
Spencer was incredibly red in the face, and all Jon could think was how cute it looked. "Yeah. I—It's that first time, you know? I don't want to be drunk or have it be with some asshole. The first time is—"
"Well, yeah, I suppose. I was going to say it's dangerous, but—"
"Wait, 'dangerous?'"
"Yeah. Sex with a girl is straightforward, you know? But with a guy—"
"It's backwards and there's nothing straight about it?"
It took Spencer a moment, but then he burst out laughing. Jon smiled at him.
"I don't want the first time to be something I have to worry about," Spencer said finally. "I want to not be scared shitless hooking up with some dude and worrying myself to death about what my first time is going to be like. I'm going to have enough to worry about, what with worrying about getting him to like me and being good in bed and whatever."
"You never had the opportunity in high school? All I did in high school was experiment with people."
Spencer gave him a look. "I went to a Catholic school. The homos there are about as open as Britney Spears fans at a scene show."
Jon grinned. He liked Spencer—a little sassy, very cute, fun personality. "Okay."
Spencer's eyes widened. "Really?"
"Yeah. I'll find us a place, okay?"
Spencer smiled. "Yeah. Okay."

A couple days later, Jon met up with Spencer after his soundcheck. "Hey."
Spencer smiled at him. "Hi, Jon."
"I found us a place for this afternoon, if you want."
Jon grinned. "C'mon." He led Spencer outside to a van parked outside the venue. He opened the back doors and Spencer hesitated. "What?"
"A van? Seriously?"
"What, you've never fucked in a vehicle before?"
"No," Spencer answered honestly.
Jon raised his eyebrows. "What exactly did you do during high school? Never mind. There's a first time for everything—hop in."
Spencer followed him inside, and Jon shut the doors. It wasn't bad, not really. The windows were all covered and the van was clean. Normally full of sound equipment, the back was now empty with blankets laid down.
"It's ours for the afternoon," Jon told him. "I pulled some strings."
Spencer smiled at that but hesitated when Jon sat down.
"We don't have to do anything, Spence. I'm not expecting anything from you."
"Oh, thanks."
"Not like that. I mean, I'm not going to get mad if you change your mind or just want to make out or even if you walk out right now. That's all cool with me, man."
Spencer sat down next to him, not sure what to do with his legs, his hands, his eyes.
"Come here," Jon said quietly, reaching out a hand to bury his fingers in Spencer's hair and then kiss him.
It was different, kissing Jon. He was more demanding than a girl, but not as sharp as Ryan—the only boy Spencer had ever kissed. Jon's mouth was firm but soft against his, his tongue warm and wet as it slipped into Spencer's mouth. Spencer moaned softly and shifted closer to Jon.
He ended up straddling Jon's lap as they made out, Jon's hands roaming over his shoulders, his back, his ass. He moaned when Jon squeezed his butt and rocked his hips; Jon broke the kiss to gasp out at the friction. "Fuck, Spence," he said in a rough voice. "Fuck." He kissed him again, sliding his hands up the front of Spencer's shirt to play with his nipples, making Spencer whimper into his mouth and rock against his dick.
Spencer raised his arms to let Jon pull off his shirt and then helped Jon out of his own. They struggled out of their clothes in the small space, and when they were naked, Spencer couldn't help it as his gaze dropped to Jon dick. He reached out, then realized what he was doing, and quickly drew his hand back.
"You can touch, if you want to," Jon said, and when Spencer looked up at him, unsure, Jon added, "I'd really like you to."
So Spencer did, running his fingertips up Jon's hard length, slipping them around the head and then down the other side. Jon leaned his head back and groaned. "Damn, Spence."
Spencer swallowed. "Okay. I'm ready now." He sat back and waited.
"It'll be easier for you if you're on your hands and knees."
Spencer nodded and didn't question this, just got onto his hands and knees before Jon. His heart was pounding, and he didn't think he'd ever been this nervous, but he wanted it so much. "Jon?"
"Just getting lube, sorry."
Then he felt one hand on his hip as Jon pressed a finger between his ass cheeks, slipping down and over his hole before moving inside.
Jon smiled. "Yeah."
He took his time prepping Spencer, making sure he was fully ready before sliding a condom over his dick. "You sure about this, Spencer?"
Spencer nodded. "Yeah. I trust you."
"I don't know why you do."
"Me either," Spencer said honestly. "I just do."
"Fair enough," Jon said and pushed his way inside.
Spencer gasped, a sharp inhalation followed by a hiss. "Jesus, fuck." He took a minute to get his breathing under control, then shifted his hips a little and gave a small moan. It was like nothing he'd ever felt, his body stretching to accommodate Jon inside him. That in itself was impossible to get his head around, that the feeling of being opened and filled was because Jon was actually inside his body. It was amazing, this incredible feeling of being grounded in place—in a good place, with someone who was wonderful and trustworthy. Fucking girls had never felt like that.
"You good?"
Spencer nodded. "Yeah, yeah."
Jon set up a steady rhythm, pumping in and out of Spencer's body, reaching around to jerk Spencer off in time.
Spencer came with a cry, and Jon quickly came after. Once Jon was done cleaning them up, he lay down beside Spencer and pulled him against him. "How was that?"
"Jesus, fuck," Spencer breathed. "So fucking good, Jon."
Jon smiled. "I was thinking the same thing."
"Absolutely, Spence. You're fucking hot, dude."
"I wasn't sure if—"
"Did you not notice the way I came, like, two seconds after you did? It was awesome, Spencer. Fucking awesome."
Spencer smiled, and Jon ducked his head to kiss him for a little while. Half an hour later, they went their separate ways—Spencer to his band and Jon to the techs.

Jon was walking along the vans and buses that had recently pulled into the new city. Everyone was off doing their own thing on their time off: wandering the venue, finding food, meeting people. Jon didn't have anywhere he needed to be and just wanted to stretch his legs; it had been a long drive. Before he knew what was happening, he got an armful of Brendon Urie. Brendon wrapped his arms around him, fused their mouths together, and bowed backwards, pulling Jon over him in a theatrical kiss. His mouth was hot and wet on his as he alternated between licking into Jon's mouth and sucking on Jon's tongue. When he finally pulled away with a wet pop, his eyes were bright and he was breathing hard, a wide grin on his face.
Jon was breathing hard too, but he managed to gasp out, "What the hell?"
Brendon's grin faded. "I—oh shit. I thought—I didn't—" He stared at Jon with wide eyes. "I just—"
"Spit it out, will you?"
"I just want to have some fun," Brendon whispered.
Jon's eyebrows pulled up. "And fun is?"
"Kissing you," Brendon answered eagerly, still a little unsure of Jon's reaction. "Blowing you, if you'll let me."
"Let you? Fuck, Brendon."
"I—I'm sorry. Fuck, Jon, I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it, I swear. I just thought it would be fun, that's all. I'm sorry."
Once Jon had taken a moment to breathe and get his head on, he shrugged. "I don't really mind. Like, at all."
"You don't?" Brendon's voice was eager, hopeful.
Jon gave him a look. "Who would say no to making out with you? And I wasn't born yesterday; I'm not one to turn down a blowjob."
Brendon grinned. "Awesome. I thought you could fuck me when I'm done, if you want."
Jon blinked. Brendon was about the most unsubtle person he'd ever met. Ever. "Is this—are you—is this an attempt to ditch your virginity?"
Brendon's smile slid off. "It's not an attempt if it works. And who told you?"
Jon shrugged. "The techs know everything."
Brendon just watched him, gauging his chances.
"Were you really going to have me fuck you without telling me you were a virgin?" Jon wasn't judging; he was just curious and a bit in shock.
Brendon hung his head and shrugged. "It's not so much about losing it, you know? I just want to have fun." He met Jon's eyes, and Jon saw that he wasn't lying.
"Like I said. Look at you. Damn, Brendon. Damn."
Brendon grinned. "You're not so bad looking yourself. Can I kiss you now?" Before Jon could finish giving him the go ahead, Brendon launched himself at him, wrapping his arms around him and kissing him hard.
Jon pushed him back against a tour bus, and he grinned at Brendon smiling up at him before covering his mouth and pulling Brendon's hips against his, rocking hard to feel Brendon moan into his mouth. Brendon reached up to tug on Jon's hair, attacking his mouth desperately and gasping as Jon rubbed against him.
"Fuck, Jon," Brendon hissed out as he pulled away to breathe and Jon sucked hard on his neck. "Fuck."
Jon kept it up, licking, sucking, and biting up and down Brendon's throat and across his jaw. He tugged on Brendon's ear with his teeth, making him buck up against him, and then Brendon pushed him off. Before Jon could figure out what he'd done wrong, Brendon spun them around and shoved Jon against the bus, grabbing his jaw and kissing him hard.
Brendon dropped to his knees, hands on Jon's belt, and looked up at him. "Can I?"
For a long second, Jon just stared. Brendon wanted to suck him right there? Fuck. Jon had never been an exhibitionist, but just the idea got him hard. "Yeah. Fuck, yes, Brendon."
Brendon smiled and pulled open the buckle on Jon's jeans before tugging them down to his ankles. For a moment, he just stared at Jon's dick, breathing over it, and Jon looked down just in time to watch Brendon lick up his dick. "Oh, fuck, Brendon."
Brendon focused on his dick with a single-minded determination, licking the shaft and sucking the head into his mouth before going down on him until he gagged. It didn't stop him though as he proceeded to give Jon the sloppiest and most enthusiastic blowjob of his life and then swallowing on top of it all.
When Jon could see again, he looked down at Brendon smiling up at him, his mouth red and wet. "Can I fuck you, right here?" Jon didn't even know where it came from, but at the moment, he wanted nothing more than to wrap Brendon's legs around his waist and fuck him against the bus.
Brendon just grinned. "Fuck, yes."
Jon reached out a hand to help Brendon up and then went to work pulling his jeans off while Brendon struggled out of his shoes, then turned around to brace himself against the bus. With a hand on Brendon's hip, Jon paused.
"What?" Brendon asked, looking back over his shoulder.
"We can't. I don't have a condom. Or lube."
"I do."
"Seriously? What are you, a boy scout?"
"No," Brendon retorted, "I'm a horny teenager. There's a condom in my wallet and lube packets, too."
"Wow," Jon muttered, bending down to dig in Brendon's jeans.
"What?" Brendon asked. "You were never horny and desperate?"
"Yeah, okay, you win."
Brendon grinned triumphantly, but the grin slipped off his face when Jon slid a finger between his cheeks and into his hole. His eyes slid closed and then he rested his forehead against the bus. "Jon."
Jon fingered him thoroughly. It was going to take him some time to get it up again, so he prepped Brendon until he was begging, taking a moment to stroke his own cock as well.
"C'mon, Jon. Jon, please. Please."
"Okay." Jon pressed himself against Brendon's back, and whispered against his ear. "Okay. Turn around."
Brendon did, immediately, and Jon slid his hands under Brendon's thighs as Brendon jumped up and wrapped his legs around Jon's waist. Propping Brendon against the bus, Jon managed to lift him up and settle him down onto his dick. From his current angle, Jon was able to watch Brendon's face as he felt a dick fill him for the first time, able to hear the broken sigh and see his eyelids flutter.
"Brendon," he whispered, kissing against Brendon's open mouth. "Brendon."
"Jon," Brendon whispered, kissing him back and rocking his hips.
Jon groaned and when Brendon smiled, Jon set up a stuttered rhythm while Brendon bounced up and down. It was fast and quick, and Brendon's come got all over their shirts.
When they separated and pulled their pants back up, Jon balled up his outer shirt and glanced over at Brendon. He'd really just fucked Brendon Urie up against a bus in the middle of the lot where anyone could have seen. Oh God. "Brendon?"
Brendon glanced up at him, giving up on wiping the come off his shirt. "Yeah?"
"You okay?"
Brendon grinned. "I'm fantastic, Jon. Fantastic." He kissed Jon hard and rough, but the kiss was full of fun and excitement, not desperation and lust like before. "You're amazing." He reached around to squeeze Jon's ass and walked away.

Jon was minding his own business backstage after a soundcheck one day when Ryan Ross came up to him, grabbed his arm, and dragged him into a closet—a closet with a door that Ryan locked.
For a minute, Ryan just looked at him. Maybe it was ten minutes, Jon thought. He could feel sweat begin to break out across his forehead—or was that just in his head? Either way, Ryan was looking right through him and it was freaking him out. He was in deep trouble.
"I know what you did for Spencer," Ryan said finally.
'For?' Not 'to?' Maybe Jon was going to survive this.
"I know what you did to Brendon, too."
Shit. There was that nasty 'did to' phrase. Jon was screwed. "Ryan, I didn't hurt them, I swear. They wanted it just as much as I did; they—"
"I know," Ryan cut him off. "I know they wanted it. You think they both haven't talked to me about it a dozen times before? And I know you didn't hurt either of them. Spencer would have told me if you had, and then I would've killed you."
Jon swallowed. Then his eyebrows pulled together as he realized what Ryan had just said. "Wait. If you knew they were both aiming to lose their V-cards, why didn't you do it?"
Ryan looked down, his floppy hair falling in front of his eyes.
"No way." Jon couldn't keep the surprise and awe out of his voice.
Ryan gave him a sharp look. "Yeah, that's right. I'm the last virgin in Panic, unless you count Brent, but who knows what or who the fuck he's doing anymore. That's why I didn't take care of Spencer and Brendon."
Jon just blinked at him, trying to take it all in.
"Would you do for me what you did for them?" Ryan asked softly, eyes still a little hard and guarded, like he was preparing for the possibility of rejection.
Like Jon would say no to Ryan fucking Ross, with his big beautiful eyes, his sharp angles, and the innocent face that contradicted his fierce attitude. "I—are you sure?"
Ryan nodded. "I'm twenty years old, dude. Girls are great and all, but they're just not—you know. They're not the same as doing it with a guy."
Jon nodded. He knew that was true—with most girls, anyway. "Okay. Yeah. Umm, give me a couple days, I'll find us—"
"No." Ryan's voice was sure. "Right here, right now."
Jon gave him a look. A storage closet backstage? This was where Ryan wanted to lose his virginity? What was it, a rock star right of passage or something? "Are you sure?"
Ryan just nodded.
Jon shrugged. "Okay." He'd had sex in closets before, closets smaller than this one, which was more of a fair sized room filled with amps and other equipment. He stepped forward and took Ryan's face in his hands, but Ryan just shrugged him off.
"Just fuck me." Ryan wasn't meeting his eyes.
Jesus Christ. Ryan was going to boss him around, and he didn't even want to kiss him? This dude was messed up. "Ryan."
"I said I want to, okay?" Ryan's voice and eyes matched in their hard edge. "Just do it. Fuck me." He shoved down his pants, not following Jon's gaze down to his dick, and turned, bending over a stack of amps. "Just fuck me, okay?"
Jon heard a broken desperation in Ryan's voice that he couldn't explain and he stepped closer and gently said, "Okay." He trailed one hand down Ryan's spine, not caring if Ryan wanted him to touch him or not. He might not be able to kiss Ryan or lay him down in a bed, but he'd be damned if he couldn't at least touch him. He paused with his hand on Ryan's hip. "Uhh, Ryan? Do you have stuff? I don't, not on me."
"Oh, yeah. In my pants." Ryan didn't move; he seemed to be hiding his face. Jon bent down, dug around in the linen until he found condoms and a bottle of lube. Ryan really had been planning to corner Jon. It wasn't just some spur of the moment occurrence, unless Ryan normally carried lube and condoms with him. Horny teenagers, Jon thought with all the sage wisdom of being a year older than Ryan.
Slicking up his fingers, Jon slid one inside Ryan's hole.
"Oh." Ryan gave a little fluttery moan and his entire body seemed to relax a little.
Jon slowly swirled his finger around, crooking it ever so slightly, trying to loosen Ryan up.
"Another one," Ryan directed. "Give me two."
Whatever Ryan wanted, Jon figured, and gave it to him. Ryan made another little sound, this one with a bit of edge to it, and Jon worked his fingers around inside of him. It wasn't long before Ryan was rocking his hips against the amp—probably not the most comfortable surface to rub off against—and Jon pulled his fingers out to put on the condom.
Ryan heard the sound and tensed up, glancing back at him for the first time since they'd started. "No way, dude, I use more prep when I finger myself! There is no way you are sticking your dick in there like that!"
"Will you just relax already and stop whining? I've done this before, and if you trust me enough to let me fuck you, you trust me enough to know how much prep you need." Being a bossy bitch was no way to impress someone. What was up with this guy? Jon was kind of hoping it was the nerves making him like this, not general asshole-ness. Though, both could probably be true.
Ryan grumbled, "Yeah, alright."
"But since you're making such a fuss—" Jon dropped to his knees, spread Ryan's ass cheeks, and licked over his hole.
"Jesus, fuck!" Ryan cried out, stretching out over the amp and pushing his ass out further.
Jon licked his way inside him, ignoring the nasty taste of the lube now covering his face.
Ryan whimpered, pushing back against Jon's face, trying to get him deeper. "Jon," he moaned in a broken voice. "Fuck, fuck, Jon."
Jon licked deeper into him, curling his tongue and pulling out to lick around the rim and down to Ryan's balls. When Ryan was making little pleading sounds, Jon finally stopped and wiped the spit and lube from his mouth.
"Yeah, yeah, Jon, please."
Finally, a bit of pliancy. He gripped Ryan's hip with one hand, guiding his dick with the other. He stopped with the head pressed against Ryan's hole. "Relax and take a deep breath." Then he pushed until the head popped in.
Ryan cried out, but Jon knew it was best for him to get it over with instead of drawing it out and pushed all the way in. Ryan gave a broken whine, pushing his head into the pillow his arms, hiding his face from Jon. Jon was pretty sure he was crying.
"I'm going to wait, okay?" He gently touched the back of Ryan's head, running his fingers through Ryan's hair. "I'm going to wait until you're ready. Don't worry about it; just take your time."
Ryan nodded a little, though it was kind of difficult to tell with the position he was in, and Jon took deep breaths, focusing on the fact that Ryan was hurting rather than the amazing tight heat squeezing his dick. Wait, wait, wait. He's hurting, he told himself over and over, and so he waited.
Ryan shifted a little beneath him, then waited, and whispered, "Okay. You can go now."
Jon gave a little thrust, barely a roll of hips, then asked, "Are you sure?"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm sure." Ryan's voice was still a little tight. "Just do it."
Jon did, pulling out and sliding all the way back in with one strong motion. He wasn't rough, and he wasn't hard. Ryan had plenty of time for crazy animalistic sex later; right then, it was all about giving him a good first time and making sure he enjoyed it.
Jon set up a steady rhythm of thrusting in and out of Ryan's body, smiling faintly when Ryan began to make cut off sounds of pleasure. Eventually, it was Jon's name coming out of his mouth. He cried out when Jon hit his prostate, and began rocking his hips back to meet Jon. Reaching around him, Jon gripped Ryan's dick firmly and began to pump him in time with his thrusts. Ryan was whimpering furiously at the sensory overload, pushing back onto Jon's dick and forward into his hand until he came with a cry. Jon pushed into him a few more times, trying to be gentle but quick so that he could come before Ryan got too uncomfortable. After he came, he pulled out as soon as he returned to himself, giving Ryan a little space as they both pulled their pants back up.
"Thanks," Ryan said softly, glancing at his eyes quickly and then looking away. When Jon went to give him a good-bye kiss, Ryan ducked away again. "Don't, Jon." There was something worn in his eyes, sad and tired. "Don't pretend it's something it's not." He gave Jon an empty half smile and left the closet.
After cleaning Ryan's come off his hand and disposing of the condom, Jon returned to work, presuming his life was going to go back to normal. No more virgins on the tour; his unofficial work was over. For some reason, though, it didn't feel like it had in the past, like he was doing anyone a favor, not even himself. He tried to shrug it off and focus on the music. That was his life, after all.
Except For When It's Not

Loaded down with cords and equipment, Jon knocked into someone backstage. "Oh, shit, I'm sorry." When he saw who it was, he smiled. "Hey, Ryan." The smile melted off his face as Ryan pushed past him and hurried away. He chalked it up to Ryan being his scrawny weird self and didn't pay it any more mind—until it happened again.
"Oh, hey Ryan." Jon smiled at Ryan, a cup in his hand, and Ryan froze, like the proverbial deer in headlights before bolting with none of a deer's grace. "What the hell?" Jon asked, turning to the closest crew member, who just shrugged.
"That Ross kid is weird, man."
Jon shrugged in response, but he couldn't explain the nagging feeling at the edge of his brain.

Jon became pretty popular with the Panic! kids. When Spencer had first asked him to come hang out, he'd thought things would be awkward—but they weren't. He wasn't sure if it was Brendon's outgoing nature or Spencer's sweet charm, but it was impossible to feel out of place with them. He started hanging out with Brendon and Spencer pretty frequently, but Ryan was never anywhere to be found. He always had somewhere else he had to be, someone to see or something to do, and since it was none of Jon's business, he let it go. It was a little weird that Ryan would make excuses to be on another bus—or even curled up in a tech van, as Jon had once discovered—instead of being with his band if Jon was there, but Jon couldn't figure out what the big deal was.

"Ryan falls for people," Brendon said offhand one day.
Spence nodded in agreement. "He has since we were kids. He barely knows a girl and he falls in love with her. There's nothing wrong with it—not for the girl, anyway. But Ryan always gets his heart broken."
"He falls in love fast and hard," Brendon said. "Why do you think he writes me the lyrics he does?"
Jon nodded. That made more sense than it didn't, but it didn't really explain—unless— "No way."
Brendon looked a little wary, like he'd been caught red handed. "What?" he asked guardedly.
"Do you think Ryan—?"
"Is tall? Scrawny? A weirdo? A twerp?"
Jon snorted. "I know that already."
"Good. I hoped you weren't deaf, blind, and dumb."
Jon threw a shoe at him. "Fuck you, Brendon."
"You already did, baby." Brendon winked at him and Jon laughed.

"Hey, can I talk to you?"
Ryan looked terrified when Jon walked up to him. "Umm, no, not now. I'm busy. I've got to—" With that, Ryan hurried away.

"Ryan! I've been meaning to ask you something."
Ryan looked up at Jon from tying his shoe, his hair falling in front of his large eyes. "Jon. Umm, I, it's not really a good time. I'm supposed to be with Academy, we were going to, umm, go see some people. Another time?"
Once again, Ryan disappeared.

"Let's go." Jon took Ryan's arm and hauled him away.
"I—Jon, I can't right now, I've got—"
"Nothing to do, nowhere to be, no one to see. It's my turn for your attention." He noticed Ryan blush but didn't say anything about it as he pushed Ryan into the makeup room and locked the door behind him, standing in front of it with his arms crossed.
Ryan didn't meet his eyes, just stood awkwardly in the center of the room, crossing and uncrossing his arms before pushing them into his pockets. He ended up kind of hunching in around himself.
"Ryan, what's going on?"
Ryan shrugged, not looking at him. "Nothing."
"C'mon, you've been avoiding me."
"What? That's stupid. Why would I—"
"We both know why you would. I just don't know if that's why."
"Jon, c'mon. Don't do this."
"Don't do what, Ryan? Just tell me."
"It's none of your business!" Ryan finally looked at him, his eyes hard and guarded.
"Like shit it's not! You're avoiding me—that's my business."
"Just leave me alone, okay?"
"No. If you wanted me to leave you alone, you shouldn't have asked me to fuck you."
"You got what you wanted, okay, so just—"
"I got what I wanted? What the hell, Ryan? I'm not like that."
"Aren't you?"
"No, I'm not!"
"It was just sex, okay? Don't make it into something it's not."
"I just want to know why, Ryan. Why are you doing this? What did I do wrong? Why are you—?"
"It wasn't just sex for me, okay?" Ryan's eyes were bright and fierce, with a desperate pained edge to them in the shimmering tears. "I wanted more than that."
Jon just looked at him. "Then why didn't you tell me that?"
Ryan snorted. "You collect V-cards; you weren't going to want to be my boyfriend. So I took what you were willing to give me and pretended it was enough."
Jon shook his head, speechless. "I didn’t—Ryan—I—"
"Just spit it out, okay?"
Jon glared at him. "If you had wanted more from me, I would have given it to you. Okay? Usually I don't want more, that's true. Usually I just want a good time with someone. But with you, I would give you anything you want."
Ryan's eyes narrowed. "Would have given, or would give?"
"Would give," Jon whispered.
Ryan's eyes went round and open as he blinked at Jon, not quite daring to hope but wanting to so badly. "Really?"
"I don't—you don't even—I'm just—"
"I think you're beautiful. Did you know that?"
Ryan shook his head.
"It's true. You have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen, and I love the way you hide behind your hair and your makeup. You're gorgeous and sexy and sweet, and you have more attitude than any dude I've ever met. And I love the way when you get up on stage and nothing else matters except you and the music."
"Yeah. I'm not messing with you, Ryan. I really mean it. I really want to be with you."
Jon took Ryan's hand and tangled their fingers together before kissing him softly and sweetly, and Ryan believed him.


( 18 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 18th, 2011 06:28 pm (UTC)
Aw, thank you! :D
Oct. 18th, 2011 06:54 pm (UTC)
Thank YOU for the inspiration!
Oct. 18th, 2011 06:46 pm (UTC)
Wow this was great!!!
Oct. 18th, 2011 06:54 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! :D
Oct. 18th, 2011 07:31 pm (UTC)
Awww... this was all kinds of wonderful :)
Oct. 18th, 2011 08:58 pm (UTC)
Oh, thank you so much! :D
Oct. 18th, 2011 08:22 pm (UTC)
♥ I liked this :) Ryan the conflicted angsty teen is a favourite of mine.
Oct. 18th, 2011 08:59 pm (UTC)
Me too! Glad you enjoyed this :D
Oct. 19th, 2011 03:42 am (UTC)
YAY! this was super cute and super hot all rolled into one, just the way it should be. Great job <3
Oct. 19th, 2011 02:41 pm (UTC)
Oh, thank you so much! :D
Oct. 19th, 2011 04:38 pm (UTC)

Why can't we view your story?

Oct. 19th, 2011 06:44 pm (UTC)
... I have no idea. Maybe your settings are set against adult content journals? I really have no idea, sorry! :(
Oct. 19th, 2011 11:27 pm (UTC)
I really enjoyed this! It was all kinds of adorable and hot.
Oct. 20th, 2011 05:18 pm (UTC)
Oh, thank you so much! :D
Oct. 20th, 2011 11:22 pm (UTC)
This was stupendous. I absolutely loved it. I could not stop reading. It was a adorable. Thank you for fueling my fanfiction addiction :)
Oct. 21st, 2011 01:37 pm (UTC)
Re: :D
Oh, thank you so much! That's so sweet <3
Nov. 20th, 2011 11:04 pm (UTC)
This is GREAT

It reminded me of S!ATD in its primeee, I was practically expecting an "FC!??? OMG COOKIES AND BRENDON" thread xD

Had to dust off this moniker to let you know!
Made my day
Nov. 21st, 2011 10:08 pm (UTC)
Oh, thank you so much! :D
( 18 comments — Leave a comment )